In other news, Korea is looking really good. I am probably leaving late May and will return in July. Seems like a pretty sweet deal to me.
Today was a pretty strange day. I was so aversive to any human contact. The truth of the matter is, concerning my family, I still have not forgiven them for many things and when I really stop to mull over the past and how it has affected me now..I get so ..angry. I'm still mad as hell. In fact I merely think of the fistful of 'nice' things they do for me as slivers of debt they ought to provision to my being. Why is it so hard for me to be happy?
My ideal life would consist of traveling around the world (poor countries) and playing with/teaching orphans. I'd have a business near my home in NY creating sweet pastries and Korean snacks that would do well enough to flourish without my help (allowing me to travel) and I'd set up my own orphanage in Africa with any extra money I made. I'd drive an ice cream truck to pick up spare cash when I was home and not with the orphans and I'd be in love with someone who loved me unconditionally and was, ideally , more responsible than I. OH, and I'd write about my experiences and publish a book. I could not imagine a better life than this. Sounds like the bestestttt life ever in my book. Wahaha.
Another random topic. Love. What is that, anyway?
Certainly not something that I am good at. I expect so much and when my expectations aren't reached, I grow withdrawn..defensive..mean..caustic. Realistically there is no one who could really 'meet' my expectations because they are so amorphous and change--even if one initially is a paragon of what I asked for. I think. Wait, that's not true. I don't know. Shit. I'm just being nice cause this is a public blog TBH. But I digress. I'm complaining too much again.
You can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies
And show me where you run to, when no one's left to take your side
But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know
