What's a blog, anyway--

Well well well....
Hi! This is awkward. And my first post. So here I go shooting the breeze with myself; or maybe I have a listener. O_O
Do I want listeners?

Ahhh. When I think about that, when I REALLY sit down and think of speaking to a specific audience, I freeze. My tongue, my convictions, my thoughts, all become less fluid and then suddenly I'm sifting through a repository of words lodged in my brain, wondering what specific term would sound most adequate and well-received....rather than just allowing my feelings and worries their own untampered trajectories. What do I really feel. What do I want to say. Hell, most of the time I don't even know. Even what I just wrote now, it doesn't feel totally genuine to what I had meant to portray. Pretty words. Lost feelings. But I won't edit it. Gosh, I hate me sometimes >_< lol.

Life has left me arrested to a mosh-pit of work and my own emotional flotsam and confusion. School makes me apprehensive lately; I haven't been to class in three weeks and now I'm scared to go again. It's like everything in my life. I don't have the heart to stay in, I don't have the will to go out. wah wah wah. I'm really trying fleece apart all of these thoughts that I've been having lately. And sleep seems so sweet and light and simple and right, but I just can't allow myself the transaction of rest at the cost of thought... and I wind up staying up till 5am everyday. It's kind of annoying actually. Why am I REALLY bothered--I don't know. But every little brush feels like a continuous rip that's about to be pulled apart and separated. Like I'm going to be separated in some weird, overtly emo way. But hey! Let's not get the wrong impression about how I am lately. Life has been treating me well and I have no major complaints. I'm pretty sure I'm happy. I mean, I have no reason not to be. But then, do we ever really have reason enough for that?

This blog thing is okay. I'll write more later.